


Just A Little Obsession

by WolfAndHound_Archivist



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, First War with Voldemort, Friendship, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-06
Updated: 2016-02-06
Packaged: 2018-05-18 15:58:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,481
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5934283
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WolfAndHound_Archivist/pseuds/WolfAndHound_Archivist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Remus is overly obsessed. Not a happy ending, folks.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Just A Little Obsession

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Lassenia, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [Wolf and Hound](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Wolf_and_Hound), which was created to make stories posted to the Sirius_Black_and_Remus_Lupin Yahoo! mailing list easier to find. However, even though I still love the fandom, I am no longer active in it and do not have the time to maintain it. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in December 2015. I posted an announcement with Open Doors, but we may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on the [Wolf and Hound collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/wolfandhound/profile).

by Vixenette

Remus, feeling giddy, apparated to a yard he knew all too well. The afternoon sun blazed down on his light brown hair, but a cold wind from the west caused him to hold his cloak a little tighter around his thin frame.

Taking a deep breath, he started his trek up the rickety wooden stairs. The third one, as always, wobbled a little as he stepped on it. 'I really must get that fixed for him,' he thought for what seemed like the hundredth time as he balanced himself and stopped in front of the door, ignoring the dead bushes on either side of the walkway. He also ignored the doorbell, knowing the door would be unlocked, and let himself inside.

"Sirius?" he called out in a rusty voice. The full moon two nights before had been a lonely one, with James tending to a very pregnant Lily and Peter off doing something for his mother. Sirius, as he had claimed, had been too busy.

"Sorry, Remus, but I can't make it this month. You'll have to put up with James and Peter without me. I'm meeting someone important, and it's the only time that they can make it, and I...well, I need to meet them. You understand, don't you?" Sirius had seemed apologetic, but not overly so, as if he were going to miss the full moon night anyway, whether Remus said he understood or not. But Remus, as always, just nodded and bowed and scraped, doing nothing to displease his friend. His companion. He had already known about James and Peter's plans, though, so Sirius was the last to bow out.

'I suppose I can't blame them,' Remus thought with an inward smirk. 'I wouldn't want to spend time with me, either.'

But he knew that wasn't it. He was disappointed that Sirius wouldn't be there for him. It was the fifth time since they had all graduated from Hogwarts that Sirius wouldn't be there for Remus' transformation.

"Sirius?" Remus called out a second time. He didn't think his friend was there, but he wanted to make sure. He wanted this to be a surprise. It was time to let Sirius Black know how he felt.

Remus shuffled past the living room, only sparing a glance for the open boxes of half-eaten pizza and empty cigarette cartons lying around. He moved into the hallway, kicking aside a pair of brown trousers.

The door to Sirius' bedroom was open, and Remus wasted no time in stepping into the pigpen. Clothes were strewn everywhere. Remus even chuckled a little when he saw a pair of boxer shorts hanging on one of the lamps. Stepping over what looked like a clean dress shirt and a nice winter cloak, he reached the lamp and pulled off the shorts, putting them to his nose.

~I went to your house Walked up the stairs Opened the door without ringing the bell Walked down the hall Into your room Where I could smell you~

They smelled clean, but still carried the faint odor of Sirius-a combination of sweat and cloves from the cigarettes that he fancied every so often. Remus dropped the shorts and moved to the bed, staring down for a second at the unmade mess and then laying down carefully. He turned his head into the pillow and took a deep breath.

'Padfoot needs to wash his bed coverings more often,' Remus thought as he scrunched his nose up a little at the slightly sour scent and sat up. He sighed, looking around at the wreck of a room. 'I could clean up for him. All the time, if he wished it, and I wouldn't even mind.'

Wondering where he should start out his plan, Remus decided that he could first take a nice, long shower. He got up and headed to the bathroom, a small smile forming on his lean face as he looked around. Clothes littered the floor in the bathroom, too, but these appeared to be dirty. Feeling a little dirty himself, Remus bent down to pick up another pair of boxer shorts, and smelled them. A myriad of scents filled his nostrils, and Remus clearly detected the scent of sexual bodily excretion, making a flood of arousal shoot through his body.

He dropped the boxers, deciding to skip the shower, considering he had just had one that morning. He'd be fine. If Sirius wanted him after what he had to say, then he wouldn't care, anyway. Besides, what if they took a shower together?

~And I shouldn't be here Without permission Shouldn't be here...~

Walking over to the shower, Remus opened the door and stepped inside, shutting the door behind him quietly. He stood there for a moment, letting his hazel eyes glance over the simple soap and shampoo that stood in the bin in the corner. He raised his hand to wipe at some of the soap scum that lined the inner wall, smiling to himself again as he imagined himself cleaning after Sirius for the rest of his life.

It was a sacrifice he was all too willing to make.

~Would you forgive me love if I danced in your shower Would you forgive me love if I laid in your bed Would you forgive me love if I stayed all afternoon?~

He sighed with the image and got out of the shower. 'Now, how should I do this?' he thought as he ran his hand through his hair, glimpsing himself in the mirror. Should he just perch himself by the door and jump into Sirius' arms as he walked in? Should he make some dinner, and set it all out by candlelight for a surprise?

Remus smiled at himself, knowing what he could do that would REALLY shock his friend. Unclasping his cloak, he let it fall to the floor of the bathroom. He shucked his old shirt and trousers, and yanked his boxer shorts off as well. Feeling exhilarated at his own nakedness, he stepped out of his shoes and peeled off his socks, still looking in the mirror. He puffed his thin chest out a little, taking a disappointed note of the lack of hair on his torso anywhere except what started at his lower belly, and only a thin line at that. He just wasn't a hairy man.

Sirius was almost a bear. Not in that gross, hair-on-his-back way, but the enough-hair-on-his-chest-to-run-fingers-through way. Remus loved it, and wished for it himself, but he knew it couldn't be. He was only hairy during the full moon.

'Some people prefer less to no hair,' Remus told himself as he grimaced, and walked back into the bedroom. He fumbled around the piles on the floor, and found a deep blue, terry cloth robe that Lily had gotten Sirius for his 21st birthday. Putting it on, Remus could tell that it, too, was not washed.

Looking at the clock on the bedside table, he noticed that it was still early afternoon. There was no way that Sirius would be home early from work, so Remus went back down the hall to find something to do. He headed past the kitchen into the den, where Sirius kept all of his papers and office things for work, as well as some entertainment systems. A large television and a nice stereo sat in the corner, and Remus headed to it, wondering if he could figure out how to work the Muggle devices. Sirius was half-Muggle, and so he knew how, but Remus, coming from an old wizarding family, only knew how to operate things from Muggle Studies, and stereos were not one of them. Luckily, Sirius himself had taught Remus, James, and Peter how to put on a Frisbee thing, 'a CD,' Remus reminded himself, and play it. So Remus worked by that memory, picking out one that turned out to be a throaty woman's voice. Standing back, listening, Remus smiled. He liked music as much as the next person.

Letting the CD play, Remus wandered back into the bedroom, looking at the clock again. It was half an hour until Sirius was scheduled off from work, and it would only take a few minutes to apparate home. Remus started to get nervous. Now was his chance to back out. Nothing could be done about the fingerprints in the shower, but Remus could put his clothes back on and turn the CD player off, and Sirius would probably never know he was there.

He stripped off the robe in a sudden panic, streaking towards the bathroom. Finding his clothes where he left them, he hurriedly pulled them on. 'What if he catches me here? What will he think of me?'

Rushing back into the bedroom, he caught a scent that made him stop in his tracks. His nose was always overly sensitive in the few days preceding and following the full moon, and the scent he caught was something that gave him the courage to go over to the house with the plan in the first place. Walking to the dresser, he rifled through the over-full drawers until he found what he was looking for in the bottom one, which was stuffed with bits of odds and ends instead of clothes. Picking out a light blue bottle, he brought it to his nose and sniffed deeply. A scent of spices and the woods wafted up from the cologne bottle, and Remus was pleased to see that it was almost full, meaning that Sirius had loved it enough to get another bottle of it, after he used up the one that Remus himself had given him for his birthday. Remus loved the scent with a passion, and he smelled it often-it seemed as if it were very popular at that time with the rest of the male world. Masculine and sexy at the same time, Remus could think of nothing but Sirius when he smelled it.

~I took off my clothes put on your robe went through your drawers and I found your cologne went down to the den found your CD's and I played your Joni and I shouldn't stay long you might be home soon shouldn't stay long Would you forgive me love if I danced in your shower Would you forgive me love if I laid in your bed Would you forgive me love if I stay all afternoon?~

Feeling as if the cologne gave him nerves, Remus settled his nervousness and decided to stay as planned. 'So how am I going to do this?' he thought. 'I could just lie on his bed starkers until he comes in and finds me. Or I could run a bath, and put a spell on it to keep it steaming until we both use it...'

Remus, now smiling, put the cologne bottle back and stood up, looking around. He found some incense sticks in a jar on the other dresser, and took the jar into the bathroom, where he had last seen the holder. Finding it, he lit one of the sticks with a murmured incendio spell and started the hot water from the tap on the small tub in the corner. 'Looks awfully small for the two of us,' he thought, but then blushed as he realized that he would have to lie on top of Sirius if he meant for them both to fit. Grinning, he scolded himself lightly for almost leaving like a coward and stripped his clothes off again.

Wandering back into the den in Sirius' robe, Remus listened to the throaty voice from the singer on the CD for a minute, and then had a brief idea to write some kind of a love note. A letter of declaration of his love, or something of the sort. Feeling like it was a little sappy, but worried that if he didn't, the words would never come out of his mouth, he approached the oak desk that sat on one side, cluttered with paper. Shuffling around, Remus found a quill and the inkbottle, and an empty piece of parchment. Turning it over to make sure, however, Remus realized that it was not empty.

~I burned your incense I ran a bath I noticed a letter that sat on your desk It said: "Hello, love. I love you so, love. Meet me at midnight."~

Running his fingers over the words, flowery words of love and obsession, Remus bit his lower lip as he read. Feeling tears coming to his eyes at the beauty of the words, he suddenly crumpled the letter and stood, rigid, trying not to let the hurt and anger of the wolf take over.

It was addressed to Sirius. His love, his mate, his obsession. The one that he had been destined for since the day he was born.

~And no, it wasn't my writing I'd better go soon It wasn't my writing~

Remus stalked out of the room in a rage, the tears stinging his eyes and burning trails down his cheeks. He slipped into the bedroom, tearing off the robe, throwing it across the room. "Not that you'll notice," he shouted at it, as if it told him that he was making a mess. He hurriedly put on his clothes, ignoring the zipper of his trousers, ignoring the buttons of his shirt. He stopped as, once again, he smelled the scent of the cologne. Closing his eyes, the tears still coming, he could see the letter clearly in his mind. The letter written in a woman's hand. It was a hand he didn't know, but the scrawl underneath it, he DID recognize.

Midnight of the full moon. Meet her, and tell her how you feel, you stupid git.

It was a note that Sirius had written to himself. Remus remembered briefly, in the back of his mind, when Sirius had mentioned some woman, but Remus had brushed it off as Sirius had brushed off all the others.

But he had been wrong. Wrong to think that he might have had a shot with Sirius. Wrong to think that he could come into Sirius' house and wait for him and Sirius would realize the love he had for Remus after Remus confessed his feelings and...'damn. Stop it. Stop doing this to yourself, Moony.'

He wanted to go home. He wanted to curl up in his own bed, and forget about the day, and forget about Sirius. He wanted to just let his mind go, but instead, he found himself creeping back into Sirius' messy bed and burrowing under the covers.

He hated the tears. He hated feeling like a schoolgirl, but he cried himself to sleep, laying his head in Sirius' pillow.

~So forgive me love If I cry in your shower So forgive me love for the salt in your bed So forgive me love If I cry all afternoon~


End file.
